GBAT: Score High and Cry
Due to the overwhelming response to my article about bozosity, I've created the GBAT (Guy's Bozofication Aptitude Test). It is a compilation of the best indicators of whether a company is sliding into bozosity. I've included the names of the people who came up with some of these ideas. In some cases, I took their idea and altered it for my use.
Please feel free to apply this test to your company and post the score and company name--anonymously, of course--in the comments area. Here is a PDF of the test in case you want to print it or forward it--just click on it to download.
Add one point for each
1. The two most popular words in your company are “partner” and “strategic.” In addition, “partner” has become a verb, and “strategic” is used to describe decisions and activities that don't make sense.
2. Management has two-day offsites at places like the Ritz Carlton to foster communication and to craft a company mission statement.
3. The aforementioned company mission statement contains more than twenty words--two of which are “partner” and “strategic.”
4. Your CEO's admin has an admin.
5. Your parking lot's “biorhythm” looks like this:
* 8:00 am - 10:00 am--Japanese cars exceed German cars
* 10:00 am - 5:00 pm--German cars exceed Japanese cars
* 5:00 pm - 10:00 pm--Japanese cars exceed German cars
6. Your HR department requires an MBA degree for any position; it also requires five to ten years work experience in an industry that is only four years old.
7. Time is now considered more important than money so you have a company cafeteria, health club, and pet grooming service. Moreover, the first thing that employees show visitors is the company cafeteria, health club, and pet grooming service.
8. Someone whose music sells in the iTunes store performs at the company Christmas party.
9. An employee is paid to do nothing but write a blog.
10. Some employees read this blog to find out what's happening in the company.
11. The success of a competitor upsets you more than the loss of a customer.
12. Your middle managers all worked at big-name consumer goods companies. Zoli Erdo
13. You hire a big-name consulting firm who brings in MBAs with one year of experience to re-think your corporate strategies.
14. Your company likes some of these MBAs and hires them away from the big-name consulting firm.
15. The front-desk staff gets better looking and less competent. Jeff Barson
16. The only time you see your CEO is when you're watching CNBC. Laurie Sefton
17. You watch CNBC during the day and don't feel guilty.
18. The ratio of engineers to attorneys dips below 25 to 1. Margherite
19. The company has created a “company values” poster. George
20. “Leveraging core competencies” and “maximizing shareholder value” show up in official documents, in the same paragraph. Rick Krutina
21. New executives campaign to improve the product before they understand how to use it. Bill Liao
22. Your company outsources its mission statement. pUnk
23. Your CEO's chair is more expensive than your first car. JoeC
24. You have more than two execs with the word “chief” in their title. Gautam
25. The company becomes a schwag fountain: pens, bags, notepads, messenger bags. Hadley Stern
Add two points for each
26. Your CEO writes a book.
27. Your CEO gets invited to the World Economic Forum in Davos where he gives advice to the presidents of Eastern European countries.
28. Your company has a corporate jet.
29. Your company hired a retired professional athlete as a motivational speaker.
30. Your company hired a retired politician as a motivational speaker
The highest possible score is 35 points. God help you...