The Art of Schmoozing

“It's not what you know or who you know, but who knows you.” Susan RoAne.

The Guy Kawasaki Theory of Schmoozing version 1.0 was ad hoc: get to know the people that you need for a specific deal. It was short-term and focused.Version 2.0 is ad infinitum--maybe even ad nauseam. It's taken me twenty years, but I've figured out that it's much easier to make a sale, build partnerships, create joint ventures--you name it--with people that you already know than with people you just met.

The key is to establish a relationship before you need it. And this is why I'd like to provide the art of schmoozing.

1. Understand the goal. Darcy Rezac in his book, The Frog and the Prince, wrote the world's best definition of schmoozing: “Discovering what you can do for someone else.” Herein lies eighty percent of the battle: great schmoozers want to know what they can do for you, not what the you can do for them. If you understand this, the rest is just mechanics.
2. Get out. Schmoozing is an analog, contact sport. You can't do it alone from your office on the phone or via a computer. You may hate them but force yourself to go to tradeshows, conventions, and seminars. It's unlikely that you'll be closing a big order with someone you met online at MySpace or via Skype. Get out there and press flesh.
3. Ask good questions, then shut up. The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers. Ask softball questions like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “What brings you to this event?” Then listen. Ironically, you'll be remembered as an interesting person.
4. Unveil your passions. Only talking about business is boring. Good schmoozers unveil their passions after they get to know you. Great schmoozers lead off with their passions. Your passions make you an interesting person--you'll stick out because you're the only person not talking about 802.11 chipsets at the wireless conference. Personally, my passions are children, Macintosh, Breitling watches, digital photography, and hockey if you ever meet me.
5. Read voraciously. In order to be a good schmoozer, you need to read voraciously--and not just the EE Times, PC Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. You need a broad base of knowledge so that you can access a vast array of information during conversations. Even if you are a pathetic passionless person, you can at least be a well-read one who can talk about a variety of topics.
6. Follow up. Over the course of my career, I've given away thousands of business cards. At one point, I thought I was nuts because if all those people called or emailed me, I'd never get anything done. Funny thing: hardly anyone ever follows up. Frankly, I don't know why people bother asking for a business card if they're not going to follow up. Great schmoozers follow up within twenty-four hours--just a short email will do: “Nice to meet you. I hope we can do something together. Hope your blog is doing well. I loved your Breitling watch. I have two tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals if you want to attend.” Include at least one thing to show the recipient that she isn't getting a canned email.
7. Make it easy to get in touch. Many people who want to be great schmoozers, ironically, don't make it easy to get in touch with them. They don't carry business cards, or their business cards don't have phone numbers and email addresses. Even if they provide this information, it's in grey six-point type. This is great if you're schmoozing teenagers, but if you want old, rich, famous, and powerful people to call or email, you'd better use a twelve-point font. (These are the same folks that need the thirty-point font vis-a-vis the 10/20/30 Rule of PowerPoint.)
8. Give favors. One of my great pleasures in life is helping other people; I believe there's a big Karmic scoreboard in the sky. God is keeping track of the good that you do, and She is particularly pleased when you give favors without the expectation of return from the recipient. The scoreboard always pays back. You can also guess that I strongly believe in returning favors for people who have helped you.
9. Ask for the return of favors. Good schmoozers give favors. Good schmoozers also return favors. However, great schmoozers ask for the return of favors. You may find this puzzling: Isn't it better to keep someone indebted to you? The answer is no, and this is because keeping someone indebted to you puts undue pressure on your relationship. Any decent person feels guilty and indebted. By asking for, and receiving, a return favor, you clear the decks, relieve the pressure, and set up for a whole new round of give and take. After a few rounds of give and take, you're best friends, and you have mastered the art of schmoozing.

Written at: Walt Disney World Dolphin Hotel, Orlando, Florida.

Comments

[amghar]

salut. se que vous fait m'enterese bien.

[Craig P]

Good schmoozers never ask a question which can be answered by a yes or no reply. If the answer is a simple no, the shmoozing is over.

[Mital]

Great blog post. I enjoyed reading the comments as well. Every event is an opportunity to make a friend. I recommend "The Art of Friendship : 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections" by Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow. A very easy to read book, about the benefits of interacting with humanity.

[Dennis Ray Nestor Jr.]

Breitling watch will be my first bid splurge.

[WalksFarWoman]

I'm quite new to blogging and have just received a Schmoozer Award and can appreciate how it works so well in business.

Generating kindness isn't difficult and should be standard practice but too often businesses are just in it for the rewards and don't analyse the customer relationship.

[Afbudsrejser]

How can I have missed this blog before? Thanks for all the great advice!
Love that quote og Susan!

[Lejligheder Tyrkiet]

Thanks for a perfect blog - one of the best Ive seen on marketing an business start up!

[Julie]

Thanks for the great tips. I'm about to graduate and whether or not you call it networking or schmoozing, these tips will definitely help me.

[krishnamoorthy]

the art of networking is explained in a down to earth lucid form it gives simple strategy to establish human chain to win people and their heart.HUMAN CHAIN IS THE STRONGEST CHAIN.great job well done

[erxiao]

Get people talking about subjects that they're passsionate about. I remember asking this woman about her job and she just averted her eyes and muttered some stock phrase. Then I inquired as to her hobbies and what she loves about life. We got into this really interesting discussion about tattooing. She loved tattoos and told me all about the art and the industry. We established a real connection by discussing something that she loved.

[Poonam Sawhney]

Being a psychologist I would view it from a behavioural perspective. I feel that open networkers show a "personality type" - very pleasant, helpful and giving. In the process when you are giving you also get therefore enahnce the learning process. It is always a two way traffic. When you do not give you do not get.

Most people on linked.in, I have noticed do not even want to introduce you to another person.

[Patricia]

Definitely, definitely schmooze. I meet the most incredible contacts just by being out.

I do a lot of these too and they do work.

[Wealth Building Lessons]

I was thinking of writting a post on networking.
this is brilliant.

thanks.

[john Liotti]

GREAT post. I thought about how this goes far beyond just schmoozing - but into sharing our faith, political views, community organizing, fund raising. Deep thoughts, Guy...

[elitz]

For the past few days upon discovering your blog, I never missed visiting it trying to read all your posts. Thanks!
I have a blog about injection mold making but it is too narrow, too dull, not even a mold maker finds it interesting. Reading your post can change the way I write.

[Doug Caldwell]

Thanks for your suggestions. In the world of virtual networking we don't want to forget how to have a face-to-face conversation. One can create a brand advocate for selling you to others with your suggestions. I would offer the suggestion that "if you want it, give it away."
Doug C.
http://the16thminute.blogspot.com/
http://www.linkedin.com/in/dougcaldwell

[Kayla]

Love the post - especially #9 - I'm glad you pointed that out. People love to feel "even" as evidenced by the theory of reciprocity.
For a young marketing professional like me, your wise advice is great to hear! I'll pass the word along to my fellow young professionals, this is great to keep in mind!

[gl hoffman]

Once I finally figured out that if you do favors with absolutely NO regard for anything to be done for you in return...I have been amazed at how often things naturally flow your way. What you put out, comes back...perhaps?

[shadow]

Ask good questions, then shut up.
Listenning is better than speaking. Some times you ask questions about the matter he want to expound : means you are interested in the content that he speak.

[Heath Newburn]

We probably need to find a new word becaus schmoozing has taken on such a bad connotation. But the end goal is simply to make people feel good about themselves and in hand make a connection with them.
My wife accueses me of schmoozing but I do it unconciously, it's simply a matter of "How do I wanted to be treated or approached?" I think about the few great restaurants where the chef or owner came out and made me feel special in a crowded room. That's the art, making someone feel like a friend without being overly familiar.
A missing tip - Use a person's name and use it often. It helps you remember it as well. Our name is music to our ears and people pay attention.

[James]

Interesting tips on schmoozing. If a product or service you sell is a small commitment, how much of a relationship do you need to establish before pitching anything.
Example: If I was selling $50 vitamin bottles, I wouldn't schmooze one person for months before I ask him to sample and buy my bottle.

On the flip side, if I wanted to sell financial services and I wouldnt' expect a prospect at a networking function to open his pocketbook and roll over his 401k after meeting me one time.

How do you gauge when is a good time to invite someone in for an appointment. Or ask for business?

[PickUpLines]

Some 'advice' from the readers here sounds like it comes straight out of 'cheesy pick-up lines handbook'.. If somebody ever asked me 'what do you love', I will probably say 'silence' and walk away.

To be a great networker, you have to be genuinely interested in people (yes even if all you really want is a deal!) and you have to be genuinely interesting and funny.

The reason why Guy K is a great schmoozer is because he is funny, he engages with people (even if just for the second, but wait till you meet Bill Clinton), and he is good with follow-ups when people get in touch. He couldn't do this if all he was chasing was a deal.

BTW if I answered the question 'what do you love', will the listener remember it one year down the line? And therein lies the rub!

[Prashant Subhedar]

Hi Guy,

I am not a natural schmooze machine, but here's someone whom I think fits the bill. http://lfmsdm.mit.edu/news_articles/thuvara/thuvara.html

I know Vineet (he was my senior at IIT Delhi)and a natural connector. to him connecting was an end in itself, not a means to another. I believe he did grasp the true spirit of entrepreneurship (in fact he convinced us to branch out on our own)as mentioned in his award.

If you are in Redmond, be sure to check him up, for I am sure he fits every word of t what you have written besides being a great guy *no pun inteded* to know.

[Matt Schultz]

Yes, indeed... once you've mastered faking sincerity, the rest comes easy.

[Christopher Mahan]

Typo. Section 9. Guility -> Guilty.

*******************
You're right. Thanks for pointing this out!

Guy

[Jeff Barson]

Calling in favors is real shmoozing. Gives interaction a chance and shmoozing is really top of mind awareness.

[chuck page]

Hi Im a Guitar player/songwriter from Toronto Canada and have just released my new solo CD of 10 Rockin guitar tracks..check it out at ..www.chuckpagemusic.com o www.cdbaby.com/cd/chuckpage2

[Cassandra Kubinski]

Hey Guy-
THANK YOU for your illuminating and hilarious blogs! i got them in my inbox courtesy of Derek from CDBaby, and the two for which he sent links (proper email technique and the art of schmoozing) were a fantastic review of some very "duh" concepts that, staggeringly, very few indie artists use. I'm reading this book called "Cracking the Millionaire" code by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G. Allen- and all the stuff they're saying is coinciding with your timely advice. Coincidence? I think not. Thanks again, hope you had a great weekend!

[Guy Kawasaki]

Dave,

I hope this is the worst thing anyone can find on my blog!

Guy

[THE ACT FRANCiS.COM]

GREAT ADVICE!

[Dave]

I'd add a 10th point - "Try not to offend".
This is the second time I've come to your site (after clicking a link from another site) and it is the second time you have referred to God as a she. Weaving your New Age beliefs into a post ostensibly about business offends me. I will not be clicking on another guykawasaki link.

[The Unknown Professor]

Dang! I also meant 5 people. 65 would be an inhuman accomplishment. I really have to use the preview option.

[The Unknown Professor]

oops! theat last line should read "keep up the good postings" (unless, of course, you'd prefer to be popsting). I blame it on fat fingers, dysphasia, and a lack of coffee.

[The Unknown Professor]

Great post. I think you nailed it when you started out with attitude. If you genuinely get a kick out of meeting and helping people, the rest is just technique.

People can sniff out a self-interested phony from a mile away.

I like Ben Franklin's admonition to write 5 thank-you notes a day. More impo0rtant than the regular writing of the notes is that to be able to write 5 notes daily, you have to be looiking for things to thank people for.

The same concept works in networking - at a meeting try to find 65 people you can give compliments to (or who you can do something for). It changes the attitude, which changes exectuion, which changes everything.

Keep up the good popstings.

[Daniel Schutzsmith]

All fantastic suggestions Guy! I use most of them already but am compelled by your statement that I should ask for a favor in return - very interesting way of looking at it.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest checking out Keith Ferrazzi's book on building relationships called "Never Eat Alone". You can find more info on it over at his website http://www. nevereatalone.com/

[Vince Adams]

Guy, thanks for taking the time to share. With respect to giving and requesting favors, I've learned that solid relationships are built on trust and respect. Some low-risk interaction is critical to building trust before it becomes necessary. Consider your credit rating, a nationally known (hated?) measure of 'trust-worthiness'. If you've never borrowed and paid-back your credit rating is low because you haven't proven yourself. I've embraced the give/get philosophy for years and am continually convinced it works as a win-win. Biggest danger, don't take it the wrong way when your favors are rejected or not returned. It isn't personal; just file the incident away, smile and keep going.

[Kent]

Guy,

What you speak of in regards to schmoozing makes sense. I do it, not because I feel the need to but because it is fun. Who doesn't like to meet different people and learn new things. We are social beings - why fight it :)

[John]

Great point about having passions outside of your business. Or just having an interesting background.

I work in IT, but I used to be a firefighter/EMT. I don't use the firefighting thing to impress people. But people LOVE to talk about that if/when they find that out about me. And while I don't often put it out there (too many firefighters/police officers who do use it all the time to stroke their own egos), it is fun to talk about.

And people remember that about me: the IT guy who used to be a firefighter.

[Sanjay Dattatri]

Nice article on Schmoozing. Point 2 is especially relevant,[and not just wrt schmoozing] since most people now-a-days feel "safe" behind the net and believe that everything can be done via the net.
Whenever I get an opportunity, I tell people that the internet is this generation's e-diot box. While the internet is immensely useful, it can easily take all your time and give back very little.

[Adam Bouskila]

If anyone is interested in reading more about this particular art, I recommend reading Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

[Tim Mansfield]

Hey Guy... on point 9 "Give Favors" - I'm sure you're very familiar with this, but you reminded me of the "Ben Franklin" effect, which is one of those counter-intuitive things about human behaviour I love:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.04/rants.html

http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wwu/psychology/persuasion.shtml#benfranklinfx

[Joe Alcodray]

Love the site, your writing style, and the content Guy -- thanks for the inspiration. I know it doesn't directly relate to my site, igotissues.com, but I've placed your feed directly on my home page.

Best regards,
Joe

[Riccardo Mori]

Hello Guy,

I discovered your blog through a friend of mine and I've been reading it more or less since day one. I just wanted to thank you for the quantity _and_ quality of information and pieces of advice you produce on a daily basis. This makes your blog priceless and a must-read, in my opinion.

Kind regards,
Rick

[Audiolathe]

I spent a lot of time at the UN some years ago, working for a charity involved in sustainable development and helping young people set up their businesses. Many of my colleagues used to joke with me and call me the 'super-schmoozer' and to them it was something almost disgusting that I was getting along so well with 'them' - (delegates from governments around the world).

In my opinion this is a highly infantile reaction by many people in the NGO (non-governmental organisation) world, because the truth is you are ONLY a good schmoozer if you GENUINELY like people. If you do, it is easy to strike up conversation, focus on their good sides, and build some great friendships. I know we call it schmoozing and to me that word conjures up images of a lot of butt-licking (a subject mentioned previously on this blog :) )but I prefer it meaning simply 'being a nice, decent, friendly and generous with-their-time and help' human being.

The truth is if you treat people as your friends and are as nice to them as you are to your friends, of course people go out o their way to help you and be nice to you back. The Karmic scoreboard is one that relies on compassion and good will, not on cold-hearted calculation and a conniving approach.

[Antisocial Geek]

Excellent article, Guy!

I used to be a rather antisocial geek - introverted and shy. What I want to say for shy geeks out there is this:

- Force yourself to go to at least 5-6 events every year. It will be hard in the beginning, but then you'll get used to it. That's how I did, and I not socialize and schmooze like there's no tomorrow.

- If you can't schmooze, that doesn't mean you can't build a successful business which can sustain you financially without having to work for someone else. That's what I did, before learning to schmooze.

[Raghavan Mysore India]

The best schmoozer I have come across is only you Mr Kawasaki.

I gain and learn a lot, daily, through your blogs.

Please keep up this good work going.

Have a great day!

[Daniel Nerezov (find me on hiveresume.com)]

Guy,

Great article. The kind of thing I'd love to syndicate over at hiveresume.com

We have a tool to help people schmooze.

(released yesterday)

[Sara]

I made a small post yesterday on my blog about the benefits of networking and was considering writing a more in-depth piece on it, but you hit the nail on the head. Well done. You've got a new reader :)

[PlantationOwner]

breitlings are over rated.

if you are really active, you don't want a slug of metal around your wrist and if you are into (shmoozing?) watches, get into a vintage or new Patek, Cartier, Longines, etc.

imo breitlings were like a late 80s, early 90s conversation piece. now they are really not even the most functional thing in their class given their clumsiness. Not for your average-under-physically-developed nerd or vc.

[Sara]

As to point #9, I have noticed in DC that the very mandarin rules of schmoozing also include, "ask for a favor that the person being schmoozed cannot necessarily fulfill." Having to say "no" obligates a good schmoozer to later try to say "yes", sometimes extending a relationship that otherwise was about to be dead on the vine. I didn't believe it until I tried it, but it usually works.

At least in the corridors of power in Washington DC.

Thanks for all the other great tips!

[Old Time Hockey]

in regards to #6, people ask for business cards as a polite way to acknowledge someone. click on "Old Time Hockey" to see what I wrote last year about the hidden value of business cards.

[Ed Brenegar]

I love to schmooze. Why? Because I really curious about people and what they do. People are fascinating, and therefore schmoozing is fun. I always want to be the first one to arrive and the last to leave. Hate to miss out on some great conversation.
Tip: A fellow schmoozer once told me that he doesn't leave to chance. He reads the local newspaper for events that he can go to every week where he can meet new people.

[Slave Girl]

I especially believe in #5. Depth is overrated. Breadth is more important in a social context... in fact depth is a is a beneficial by-product of the "mile wide, inch deep" idea. You will get SOME depth inherently. I know some guys out there that are such great schmoozers that I'm positive they were hired for their firm specifically for that purpose. I'm not quite sure what else they do.. I wish I had that ability...Great article. One of the better VC Blogs out there. :-)

Slave Girl

http://www.sandhillslave.com

Rants on Life in Venture Capital through the eyes of an assistant

[Bill Lennan]

I'll admit that I still have challenges with schmoozing. It's the intro part that I get stuck on (although nametags do make it easier). If anyone has a good suggestion for starting I'm all ears/eyes. BTW Guy, a few years ago, my wife and I discovered a great Canadian beer called Maudite. If you like medium-dark beers I highly recommend it (you can also get it at Whole Foods)
B-)

[Stacy]

So very timely for me...it's going up on my wall too. Thanks GK...you rock!

[David Porter]

Guy,

I am a 2nd time visitor. I have enjoyed my visits and suspect that I will be contributing to your growing fan base.

[Bjoern]

That's really great stuff!
However now I'm waiting for your business card...

[Kendall]

Great post. Some of it seems like common sense, but in actuality so many people are short-sighted and, as you said about version 1.0, limit their interactions on the deal or issue at hand. Also about being analog. I couldn't agree more. The people I consider myself most connected to on a professional level are people that I've associated with in person, over a pint, and in a more casual setting.

[J]

"Schmoozing is an analog, contact sport. You can't do it alone from your office on the phone or via a computer."

I think this is the most relevant to many computer professionals (at least the few that I know, myself included).

Great tips and a great blog! Please keep 'em coming!

[Javier Cabrera (ClearYourMind)]

OH MAN! OH MAN! OH MAN!!! What a great article!!! This was just what I was looking for! man! you made my day. I will jump out of the window now if you excuse me!

Thanks mr Kawasaki, this article goes for print and in my "Wall of must read every day".

Thanks, really. Can't believe it. Look, my hands are shaking. (not over reacting! but you may guess my life isn't too exiting)

[Stavros]

Nice post. What you said about favors is truly useful, but I guess it comes from your asian origin. I spent a few months in China, and you can go a long way by doing favors. People are so eager to return them. Besides, networking (guanxi) is the No.1 business tool there.

Now I'm curious: why do you refer to God as a She? It reminded me of the movie Dogma (which I find brilliant), where Alanis Morissette plays God!

[Tim]

Interestingly, most of what you've said about schmoozing applies to most personal relationships. Do you want a date? Do you want to get a second date? (For the dating crowd, don't take #8 and #9 too seriously.)

Tips 1-7 apply to almost any personal relationship. Want to be able to talk to women? Find out what women want to talk about, and then shut up. Want to talk to men, do the same thing. Want people to think you're a great conversationalist? Ask lots of questions.

Or, you could read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Very similar advice in a less tech-savvy wrapper.

Tim

[Paul Basel]

Great articles. I found your blog today. You book, Art of the Start is excellent. Are you planning to put it out on audio CD?

[Brian Ivanovick]

One schmoozing trick I learned from a mentor of mine is that getting to know people isn't always about asking "What do you do?". If you're having trouble connecting, try to find the answer to the question "What do you love?".

Get people talking about subjects that they're passsionate about. I remember asking this woman about her job and she just averted her eyes and muttered some stock phrase. Then I inquired as to her hobbies and what she loves about life. We got into this really interesting discussion about tattooing. She loved tattoos and told me all about the art and the industry. We established a real connection by discussing something that she loved.

[Paul]

Great tips for us schmoozers. Frog kissing is now a popular term it seems and now I will see schmoozing in a little better light. Just curious though, if it is frog kissing, then how do you transform people through frog kissing?

[Douglas H]

Schmoozing is important. Good post with some tips. I can't stand people who followup - why bother saying you will if you don't want to or intend to?

Have fun in Disney World. I'm assuming you're going with your family, it should be a good time. Weather is great here.

[betsy]

You really have a gift, Mr. K. Thanks again for the sage advice, and for attracting other readers like Dan who we can get to know (I'll be checking out his website in a lot more detail based on his comment below.)

[Aaron]

Thanks for the tips, Guy! Once again another useful/insightful post. Here's hoping I'll see you at DEMO.

[appa]

Now, every tip you've mentioned in the "The Art of Schmoozing" also applies to good blogging!

This is the second time in the day that I've found something relevant to blogging from an unrelated topic! (the first was in my class of Power Presentations, where everthing I learnt could apply to Power Blogging, see my post at http://appa.wordpress.com/2006/02/02/power-presentations-and-power-blogging-2/)

[William Volk]

True story about "Give Favors."

In '89 I was producing PC CD-ROM titles and had figured out the crazy system used to play CD-Audio tracks and portions of tracks (I was at Activision). Guy from LucasArts asked for help, I figured they would eventually figure it out ... so I helped him.

Fast forward to '94, I'm up for a job at a very cool startup ... the guy they call to 'check-up' on me is the same LucasArts fellow I had helped 5 years prior.

Karma.

[Dan]

Even for a guy like me, who just wants to keep his consulting business running at a fair clip, schmoozing is an essential art. The best schmoozers I know are absolutely transparent. They schmooze because they like you. It's not put on. It's not a technique. They actually, genuinely like you. I think that's where the success really comes from. So when I think about what schmoozing is for me, it's about letting go entirely of anything but appreciating someone else, and then, you know, hey, things can happen...