The Art of Schmoozing

“It's not what you know or who you know, but who knows you.” Susan RoAne.

The Guy Kawasaki Theory of Schmoozing version 1.0 was ad hoc: get to know the people that you need for a specific deal. It was short-term and focused.Version 2.0 is ad infinitum--maybe even ad nauseam. It's taken me twenty years, but I've figured out that it's much easier to make a sale, build partnerships, create joint ventures--you name it--with people that you already know than with people you just met.

The key is to establish a relationship before you need it. And this is why I'd like to provide the art of schmoozing.

1. Understand the goal. Darcy Rezac in his book, The Frog and the Prince, wrote the world's best definition of schmoozing: “Discovering what you can do for someone else.” Herein lies eighty percent of the battle: great schmoozers want to know what they can do for you, not what the you can do for them. If you understand this, the rest is just mechanics.
2. Get out. Schmoozing is an analog, contact sport. You can't do it alone from your office on the phone or via a computer. You may hate them but force yourself to go to tradeshows, conventions, and seminars. It's unlikely that you'll be closing a big order with someone you met online at MySpace or via Skype. Get out there and press flesh.
3. Ask good questions, then shut up. The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers. Ask softball questions like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “What brings you to this event?” Then listen. Ironically, you'll be remembered as an interesting person.
4. Unveil your passions. Only talking about business is boring. Good schmoozers unveil their passions after they get to know you. Great schmoozers lead off with their passions. Your passions make you an interesting person--you'll stick out because you're the only person not talking about 802.11 chipsets at the wireless conference. Personally, my passions are children, Macintosh, Breitling watches, digital photography, and hockey if you ever meet me.
5. Read voraciously. In order to be a good schmoozer, you need to read voraciously--and not just the EE Times, PC Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. You need a broad base of knowledge so that you can access a vast array of information during conversations. Even if you are a pathetic passionless person, you can at least be a well-read one who can talk about a variety of topics.
6. Follow up. Over the course of my career, I've given away thousands of business cards. At one point, I thought I was nuts because if all those people called or emailed me, I'd never get anything done. Funny thing: hardly anyone ever follows up. Frankly, I don't know why people bother asking for a business card if they're not going to follow up. Great schmoozers follow up within twenty-four hours--just a short email will do: “Nice to meet you. I hope we can do something together. Hope your blog is doing well. I loved your Breitling watch. I have two tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals if you want to attend.” Include at least one thing to show the recipient that she isn't getting a canned email.
7. Make it easy to get in touch. Many people who want to be great schmoozers, ironically, don't make it easy to get in touch with them. They don't carry business cards, or their business cards don't have phone numbers and email addresses. Even if they provide this information, it's in grey six-point type. This is great if you're schmoozing teenagers, but if you want old, rich, famous, and powerful people to call or email, you'd better use a twelve-point font. (These are the same folks that need the thirty-point font vis-a-vis the 10/20/30 Rule of PowerPoint.)
8. Give favors. One of my great pleasures in life is helping other people; I believe there's a big Karmic scoreboard in the sky. God is keeping track of the good that you do, and She is particularly pleased when you give favors without the expectation of return from the recipient. The scoreboard always pays back. You can also guess that I strongly believe in returning favors for people who have helped you.
9. Ask for the return of favors. Good schmoozers give favors. Good schmoozers also return favors. However, great schmoozers ask for the return of favors. You may find this puzzling: Isn't it better to keep someone indebted to you? The answer is no, and this is because keeping someone indebted to you puts undue pressure on your relationship. Any decent person feels guilty and indebted. By asking for, and receiving, a return favor, you clear the decks, relieve the pressure, and set up for a whole new round of give and take. After a few rounds of give and take, you're best friends, and you have mastered the art of schmoozing.

Written at: Walt Disney World Dolphin Hotel, Orlando, Florida.

Comments

[Jeff Barson]

Calling in favors is real shmoozing. Gives interaction a chance and shmoozing is really top of mind awareness.

[chuck page]

Hi Im a Guitar player/songwriter from Toronto Canada and have just released my new solo CD of 10 Rockin guitar tracks..check it out at ..www.chuckpagemusic.com o www.cdbaby.com/cd/chuckpage2

[Cassandra Kubinski]

Hey Guy-
THANK YOU for your illuminating and hilarious blogs! i got them in my inbox courtesy of Derek from CDBaby, and the two for which he sent links (proper email technique and the art of schmoozing) were a fantastic review of some very "duh" concepts that, staggeringly, very few indie artists use. I'm reading this book called "Cracking the Millionaire" code by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert G. Allen- and all the stuff they're saying is coinciding with your timely advice. Coincidence? I think not. Thanks again, hope you had a great weekend!

[Guy Kawasaki]

Dave,

I hope this is the worst thing anyone can find on my blog!

Guy

[THE ACT FRANCiS.COM]

GREAT ADVICE!

[Dave]

I'd add a 10th point - "Try not to offend".
This is the second time I've come to your site (after clicking a link from another site) and it is the second time you have referred to God as a she. Weaving your New Age beliefs into a post ostensibly about business offends me. I will not be clicking on another guykawasaki link.

[The Unknown Professor]

Dang! I also meant 5 people. 65 would be an inhuman accomplishment. I really have to use the preview option.

[The Unknown Professor]

oops! theat last line should read "keep up the good postings" (unless, of course, you'd prefer to be popsting). I blame it on fat fingers, dysphasia, and a lack of coffee.

[The Unknown Professor]

Great post. I think you nailed it when you started out with attitude. If you genuinely get a kick out of meeting and helping people, the rest is just technique.

People can sniff out a self-interested phony from a mile away.

I like Ben Franklin's admonition to write 5 thank-you notes a day. More impo0rtant than the regular writing of the notes is that to be able to write 5 notes daily, you have to be looiking for things to thank people for.

The same concept works in networking - at a meeting try to find 65 people you can give compliments to (or who you can do something for). It changes the attitude, which changes exectuion, which changes everything.

Keep up the good popstings.

[Daniel Schutzsmith]

All fantastic suggestions Guy! I use most of them already but am compelled by your statement that I should ask for a favor in return - very interesting way of looking at it.

If you haven't already, I'd suggest checking out Keith Ferrazzi's book on building relationships called "Never Eat Alone". You can find more info on it over at his website http://www. nevereatalone.com/

[Vince Adams]

Guy, thanks for taking the time to share. With respect to giving and requesting favors, I've learned that solid relationships are built on trust and respect. Some low-risk interaction is critical to building trust before it becomes necessary. Consider your credit rating, a nationally known (hated?) measure of 'trust-worthiness'. If you've never borrowed and paid-back your credit rating is low because you haven't proven yourself. I've embraced the give/get philosophy for years and am continually convinced it works as a win-win. Biggest danger, don't take it the wrong way when your favors are rejected or not returned. It isn't personal; just file the incident away, smile and keep going.

[Kent]

Guy,

What you speak of in regards to schmoozing makes sense. I do it, not because I feel the need to but because it is fun. Who doesn't like to meet different people and learn new things. We are social beings - why fight it :)

[John]

Great point about having passions outside of your business. Or just having an interesting background.

I work in IT, but I used to be a firefighter/EMT. I don't use the firefighting thing to impress people. But people LOVE to talk about that if/when they find that out about me. And while I don't often put it out there (too many firefighters/police officers who do use it all the time to stroke their own egos), it is fun to talk about.

And people remember that about me: the IT guy who used to be a firefighter.

[Sanjay Dattatri]

Nice article on Schmoozing. Point 2 is especially relevant,[and not just wrt schmoozing] since most people now-a-days feel "safe" behind the net and believe that everything can be done via the net.
Whenever I get an opportunity, I tell people that the internet is this generation's e-diot box. While the internet is immensely useful, it can easily take all your time and give back very little.

[Adam Bouskila]

If anyone is interested in reading more about this particular art, I recommend reading Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.

[Tim Mansfield]

Hey Guy... on point 9 "Give Favors" - I'm sure you're very familiar with this, but you reminded me of the "Ben Franklin" effect, which is one of those counter-intuitive things about human behaviour I love:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/10.04/rants.html

http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wwu/psychology/persuasion.shtml#benfranklinfx

[Joe Alcodray]

Love the site, your writing style, and the content Guy -- thanks for the inspiration. I know it doesn't directly relate to my site, igotissues.com, but I've placed your feed directly on my home page.

Best regards,
Joe

[Riccardo Mori]

Hello Guy,

I discovered your blog through a friend of mine and I've been reading it more or less since day one. I just wanted to thank you for the quantity _and_ quality of information and pieces of advice you produce on a daily basis. This makes your blog priceless and a must-read, in my opinion.

Kind regards,
Rick

[Audiolathe]

I spent a lot of time at the UN some years ago, working for a charity involved in sustainable development and helping young people set up their businesses. Many of my colleagues used to joke with me and call me the 'super-schmoozer' and to them it was something almost disgusting that I was getting along so well with 'them' - (delegates from governments around the world).

In my opinion this is a highly infantile reaction by many people in the NGO (non-governmental organisation) world, because the truth is you are ONLY a good schmoozer if you GENUINELY like people. If you do, it is easy to strike up conversation, focus on their good sides, and build some great friendships. I know we call it schmoozing and to me that word conjures up images of a lot of butt-licking (a subject mentioned previously on this blog :) )but I prefer it meaning simply 'being a nice, decent, friendly and generous with-their-time and help' human being.

The truth is if you treat people as your friends and are as nice to them as you are to your friends, of course people go out o their way to help you and be nice to you back. The Karmic scoreboard is one that relies on compassion and good will, not on cold-hearted calculation and a conniving approach.

[Antisocial Geek]

Excellent article, Guy!

I used to be a rather antisocial geek - introverted and shy. What I want to say for shy geeks out there is this:

- Force yourself to go to at least 5-6 events every year. It will be hard in the beginning, but then you'll get used to it. That's how I did, and I not socialize and schmooze like there's no tomorrow.

- If you can't schmooze, that doesn't mean you can't build a successful business which can sustain you financially without having to work for someone else. That's what I did, before learning to schmooze.

[Raghavan Mysore India]

The best schmoozer I have come across is only you Mr Kawasaki.

I gain and learn a lot, daily, through your blogs.

Please keep up this good work going.

Have a great day!

[Daniel Nerezov (find me on hiveresume.com)]

Guy,

Great article. The kind of thing I'd love to syndicate over at hiveresume.com

We have a tool to help people schmooze.

(released yesterday)

[Sara]

I made a small post yesterday on my blog about the benefits of networking and was considering writing a more in-depth piece on it, but you hit the nail on the head. Well done. You've got a new reader :)

[PlantationOwner]

breitlings are over rated.

if you are really active, you don't want a slug of metal around your wrist and if you are into (shmoozing?) watches, get into a vintage or new Patek, Cartier, Longines, etc.

imo breitlings were like a late 80s, early 90s conversation piece. now they are really not even the most functional thing in their class given their clumsiness. Not for your average-under-physically-developed nerd or vc.

[Sara]

As to point #9, I have noticed in DC that the very mandarin rules of schmoozing also include, "ask for a favor that the person being schmoozed cannot necessarily fulfill." Having to say "no" obligates a good schmoozer to later try to say "yes", sometimes extending a relationship that otherwise was about to be dead on the vine. I didn't believe it until I tried it, but it usually works.

At least in the corridors of power in Washington DC.

Thanks for all the other great tips!