The Art of Sucking Down

A friend who worked at O'Hare International Airport told me this story. He once watched a passenger absolutely scream at an airline ticket agent. The ticket agent, however, remained completely calm. After the tirade was over, my friend asked her how she could remain so calm, and she said, “That's easy. He's going to Paris, but his bags are going to Sydney.”

One of the great misconceptions of selling, pitching, and partnering--basically, any time you want to get someone to do something for you--is that you should suck up to the people with the big titles and “A list” designation. Sometimes you do--as you've already read in this blog, but the ability to suck up to the folks who don't have big titles but make the world run is more useful.

1. Understand the dynamic. Like it or not, here's how the world works: if you want something, you should be nice to the person (let's call him “Biff”) who can grant you that something. It doesn't matter whether you are more powerful, more famous, richer, better looking, or better educated. Biff has the power, so deal with it. Returning to the ticket agent episode, it makes no sense to piss off the one person who can help you. In this sense, there is no such thing as “sucking down.” You're always sucking up when you want something.

2. Understand their needs. You should try being a ticket agent, flight attendant, secretary, receptionist, waiter, or customer service rep for a day. Then you'd learn that they're not getting paid a lot of money to put up with your crap, and they're dealing with their own sets of issues: perhaps a broken-down car, an unhappy spouse, a sick child at home, and maybe even a bozo boss. These people want to do a good job, make a living, and be happy, just as you do. The key word here is empathy. If you can empathize with them, you'll be much more successful dealing with them.

3. Be important. If you want to be treated as an important customer then be an important customer. That is, fly the same airline, eat at the same restaurant, and play hockey at the same rink. If you spread your business around, then don't be surprised if you get jacked around. I only eat at three restaurants in all of Silicon Valley: Gombei, Juban, and Buck's. I can get in anytime I want at these three restaurants--but only these three restaurants. I fly on United seventy five to 100 times a year. It takes great care of me. I fly Air Canada once a year. It puts me in a coach-class, center seat between two screaming babies. That's life.

4. Make them smile. A window occurs in the first thirty seconds of your interaction with Biff. In that brief time, if you can make him smile, you will differentiate yourself from 95% of the orifices that he deals with. Then you're much more likely to get an aisle seat, an appointment with the boss, an outside table, or step-by-step instructions to make Word print.

Simply beginning a conversation with, “How is your day going?” can break the ice. You know, and he knows, that you don't really care how his day is going, but at least you're civil enough to ask. That separates you from the pack of hyenas. Here are some opening lines that have worked for me. (Please provide more as comments because you can never have too many good ice breakers.)

• Restaurant maître'd: “Do you have reservations?” You answer: “I have no reservations whatsoever. I am absolutely certain that I want to eat here.”
• Airline ticket agent: “How can I help you?” You answer: “You could give me an upgrade to first class and ensure that my bag is the first one off the conveyor when I get there, but I'd be happy if you get me an aisle seat.”
• Secretary: “Will she know what you're calling about?” You answer: “Not unless she's clairvoyant and a masochist. But can I try to explain why you should grant me an audience with her?”

5. Don't try to buy your way in. Don't try to buy a person with flowers, candy, or an iTunes gift card. Realistically, the downside risk far exceeds the upside because you're likely to insult Biff by implying that he can be bought. Just be honest, be important, and have a legitimate rationale. That's a good enough case.

6. But do express your gratitude on the way out. I don't recommend trying to buy your way in, but once you are in, then it's appropriate to express your gratitude with gifts that are kind, but not extravagant. As my mother used to say, “Be nice to people on the way up because you're going to see them again on the way down.” You never know when you'll need help from Biff again.

7. Never complain. Let's say that you don't get what you want. Should you go over Biff's head and complain? This is seldom effective. Assuming that Biff is competent, he's not going to get fired because of your whining. Historically, pee is seldom more effective than honey. Persevere, and wear down Biff's defenses with humor, dedication, and empathy, but never go over his head.

8. Rack up the karmic points. I believe that there's a karmic scoreboard in the sky. It keeps track of how many points you've earned and how many you've used. Therefore, when you have the opportunity to help others, do so--and do so with glee. You'll build up points, and someday your kindness will be returned to you. However, understand that you need to accrue these points before you need them--you cannot go negative.

9. Accept what cannot be changed. Sometimes things are just not meant to be: there are no more aisle seats, all the outside tables are taken, and the boss doesn't want to talk to any sales reps. If that's the case, shut up, and go on with life. Don't flatter yourself and believe that the airline is out to get you by assigning all the aisle seats to others. Life is too short to get upset by things like this.

I wholeheartedly recommend that you try these practices because I always seem to get an aisle seat, almost always get upgraded, and my luggage never gets sent to Australia. And getting to the same destination as your bags in a lousy seat is a helluva lot better than getting to a different destination than your bags in a lousy seat--all because you pissed Biff off.

Written at: United Airlines flight #559, Chicago to San Jose, upgraded to first class on less than twenty-four hours notice.

Comments

[Richard Clark]

Penn & Teller write about a positive "trick" they say has netted them more free upgrades, etc. than they could have imagined.

It starts with a little piece of red foam rubber attached to their passport photos where the nose is. When one puts his passport down as ID, and the agent is looking down at the picture, he also puts on a red rubber nose palmed before getting to the counter. The agent sees a photo and a customer with matching red rubber noses, gets a good laugh, and often does something wonderful in return.

[Blake]

How 'bout don't suck up to anyone? Just be sincere, nice, and respectful. Don't get me wrong, I've lost it with peeps, but everyone deserves respect unfeigned.

[Kim The Admin]

This point goes triple for admin assistants, receptionists and other gatekeepers.

Back when I was playing in the corporate sandbox, I would always ask both the receptionist and my admin assistant what they thought of candidates. Their opinions meant more to me than that person's interview.

With my current gig, I intentionally style myself as Kim The Admin. The authors nice to me in this role are likely nice to everyone and aren't they the ones I REALLY want to promote?

BTW...Guy Kawasaki, as you can well imagine, walks the talk and falls into the nice category.

It's refreshing to see someone practise what he preaches.

[ssp]

So why do people consider it acceptable that service agents treat you badly if they're in bad mood?

Why don't people who think they should be flying first class just buy first class tickets?

[Brad Hutchings]

OK Guy, I think we all agree that being nice gets you ahead in the world, and no matter how much we preach it, there are enough people who are jerks or just quiet that being nice will continue to get us ahead. But, answer this... Is it OK to go Mr. Hyde on telemarketers?

[Sameer]

On a partially unrelated note, I've always thought airlines should offer you the option of flying free to wherever your bags are, and then back :) Opens up the impromptu vacation possibility.

[Mark Edwards]

You've evidently never been to Australia? That's a shame. You'd like it here. Having your luggage despatched to Australia is fine, as long as you're on your way here too.

Seriously, though. Life should be entirely about considering others. Wouldn't that change a few things.

[RobiNZ]

Agree with your comments but it doesn't stop at the check-in counter.

I'm not tall but was allocated a exit row seat on a very long flight recently. I considered giving it up to an extremely tall "gentleman", allocated a seat 1 row behind me. I've done this before as it makes little difference to me.

However I didn't because while boarding & stowing his overhead luggage he complained, cursing liberally at the crew and everyone around him, about not getting an exit row. It cost him 12 hours discomfort...

[Tim McClintock]

Life is a negotiation. You negotiate every day, with everyone you encounter. Sometimes it's a one-time encounter, and sometimes it's with people we see and work with on an on-going basis.

Let me offer a few quotes:

If you are planning on doing business with someone again, don't be too tough in the negotiations. But on the other hand, if you're going to skin a cat, don't keep it as a house cat.
Marvin S. Levin

J. Paul Getty, referring to his dad:
My father said: "You must never try to make all the money that's in a deal. Let the other fellow make some money too, because if you have a reputation for always making all the money, pretty soon you won't have many deals."

I fly somewhere just about every week. At the ticket counter - I usually say something like "So did you just start your day, or are you about done?". Depending on their answer, I respond, "Oh, I'm sorry, hopefully it will go by quickly" or "Good for you!!! Go have some fun, and have a little for me too!” They really do hold the keys to the kingdom.

The travel agency component of our consulting company gets hammered with what are I'm sure are more than just a few jerks demanding everything imaginable. Correspondence/rants are usually by email.

Want to set yourself apart?
1. Be nice.
2. Take a real piece of paper, and a real pen or pencil. [remember those? :-) ]
3. Write a note.
4. Make it personal.
5. Don't ASK for anything
6. Just say something

I sent a note to all of the ladies in the travel office. Here's what I wrote:

Dear ____________ (I used all of their names. People like it when you use, but not over-use their names)

My week both starts off and ends with what you do for me. And I was just thinking, what you do for me week in and week out is pretty amazing. Because of what you do for me, my week just about always starts and ends with a flight in my favorite seat, and sometimes I even find myself in an unexpected but very much appreciated seat in the front of the bus.

You pretty much determine how my week is going to start, and how it is going to end. Thanks for taking such good care of me . . .

Tim
________________________________

By the way, notice the lack of any title, alphabet soup, last name, etc.

Just sign your name, fold the piece of paper, and hand deliver it if possible. Just leave in on their desk when they're away.

It's all about relationship, being real, and remembering to say thanks every once in a while.

And then, a really expensive box of Swiss chocolates you hand carried back from the last trip to Europe never hurts either. (insert your own "whatever would make someone happy here)
How much did that cost you, compared to the by-product you get in return?

Which leads me to one last thought in this comment-turned mini blog.

I believe people can smell a phony way more than a mile away.

For me, I do realize I'm "sucking up". But I honestly believe I really do genuinely want the other person to "have a nice day". And I think they can tell.

The goal?
Be real
Be nice
Express that to other people.

That's the "negotiation".

The by-product?

Sometimes it's just a smile, but most often, it's the better seat, the less time having to wait at the eye doctor, the little extra thrown in by the sales person . . .

[Patrick]

I think the customers are king and I just treat them all the same. The key is to look at all people the same. If you have a customer that is going live wire on you, then first, put yourself in their place and agree with them. If your companies service sucks, then say it sucks.

SAY
Yes, this service is not acceptable, and I agree with you. Let me get this resolved, I appreciate your understanding. Don't debate and don't argue, just treat them like they are your mother or father. Let's face it, we all would bend over backwards for mom and dad, and that is exactly what you have to do for all customers. If you treat them all the same it becomes a no brainer.

Rolls me into a thought that there are to many people with MBA's that have no experience in customer service. As far as I am concerned, every MBA graduate should work the front line of customer service. Business is working with everybody.

I had a boss many years ago that was upset because I aggreed with a customer that said our service sucked. The boss knew our service sucked, and so we had two choices, continue as is, or improve our service. We did improve our service and we went on and kicked butt and generated more revenue.

The bottom line is that attitude is everything, but you must be humble, and have respect for another person.

If it was easy, everybody would do it.

[Doug H.]

Kevin,

From someone who's worked in the hosting industry for quite a while, take it from me, that's the way to do it.

[Eric]

I bought a round trip ticket to San Diego last year. I didn't take the first flight as I had another appt. the day before so my company flew me out. I didn't know if you don't get on the first leg of the flight, the whole ticket is voided. I went to fly out of San Diego and learned that my ticket was useless. Instead of blaming them, I apologized a lot and said it was my fault and was very very nice to the rude lady. She got the manager and she was also very very rude. I kept saying sorry and all of a sudden, the manager handed me a ticket and said you have 10min to make the flight. I smiled and thanked her again and she cracked a very small smile. If I was an idiot and blamed them for MY mistake, they would've just blew me off. A lesson learned....

[Jeff Barson, Nimble]

It's often the case that the gatekeeper in a business wields a great amount of power.
If anyone in my staff intimates a dislike for a business or individual trying to contact me, they're dead in the water. Conversely, a recommendation from someone in my staff will allow you to walk right in. Be nice, or be gone.

[Ketan]

Most pertinent and correct advice. I have been taught and given the same advice by my father throughout my life. I believe everyone is living the life with hope to be most joyful and successful, so why create hindrances!!

Really a nice post and quite different from other regular feeds :)
Infact I am planning to order "Rules for Revolutionaries" and hope to see similar straight and real world advice!

Keep going,
Bye
Ketan

[Kevin]

On the rare occasion that my web host has server or email problems, instead of joining the hundreds of "when is this going to be fixed" messages to Tech Support, I send a "I know things happen, hang in there, I'm patient" message. My real requests for support later are handled immediately.

[Doug Hanna]

I know it from a customer service perspective. I respond to customer service inquires when we get busy. In just a few hours, I can see how clients can be rude and how I would never go out of my way to help a rude client. Being nice to everyone is a good rule of thumb.

[John C. Welch]

I don't have a biff, but I do have a Lisa. Lisa works at the ticket counter for an airline I fly on a lot. Lisa is pleasant, courteous, and if you abuse her, will be patient, caring, and make sure you're in the body cavity search line for the rest of your days.

Lisa is not one to be messed with.

However, if one flys regularly, and is nice to Lisa, then one finds nice things happening. Like free upgrades. Somehow always getting the aisle seat. Finding a three hour layover reduced to a comfortable walk between gates.

"Please", "Thank You", and "I'm sorry, I was very stupid to have done/thought that" get you more than the keys to the vault.