Top Ten Quotes: France and the French

Apparently I offended many people in my Jon Winokur interview by publishing this Vichyous attack on the French:

Question: Is there any hope for the French?

Answer: The French will always be the French. That’s both the bad news and the good news. What the British entertainer Ivor Novello said over 50 years ago is still true: “There’s something Vichy about the French.”

To make amends, I asked Jon to compile his top ten quotes about France. He couldn’t.

1. France is the most civilized country in the world and doesn’t care who knows it. John Gunther

2. France is a nation devoted to the false hypothesis on which it then builds marvelously logical structures. Gore Vidal

3. France has neither winter nor summer nor morals—apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. Mark Twain

4. How can anyone govern a nation that has 240 different kinds of cheese? Charles de Gaulle

5. Dogs smoke in france. Ozzy Osbourne

6. We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be, detested in France. Duke of Wellington

7. What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country. Samuel Johnson

8. Everything is on such a clear financial basis in France. It is the simplest country to live in. No one makes things complicated by becoming your friend for any obscure reason. If you want people to like you, you have only to spend a little money. Ernest Hemingway

9. France is the only country where the money falls apart, and you can’t tear the toilet paper. Billy Wilder

10. They aren’t much at fighting wars anymore. Despite their reputation for fashion, their women have spindly legs. Their music is sappy. But they do know how to whip up a plate of grub. Mike Royko

11. The French probably invented the very notion of discretion. It’s not that they feel that what you don’t know won’t hurt you; they feel that what you don’t know won’t hurt them. To the French lying is simply talking. Fran Lebowitz

12. Every Frenchman wants to enjoy one or more privileges; that’s the way he shows his passion for equality. Charles de Gaulle

13. If the French were really intelligent, they’d speak English. Wilfrid Sheed

14. Germans with good food. Fran Lebowitz

Comments

[Nab]

That was delightful !!! I'm French and no offence at all. I burst out laughing, especially with the dog smoke stuff.
And for the after thought (serious thought), I do think that The French must learn to be less ignorant, and I do think that Americans must stop thinking that "to bring peace, you must vaporize a country" (this is a quote from an American that I heard the last time I've been in your beautiful country.)
See you soon Guy. To my opinion you are still welcome in France.

*************

Why thanks! If I find myself wanting to get lung cancer, I will surely visit France! :-)

Guy

[Observer]

Is this the 'Art of the Staat'?

('State' is German for 'State')

[ptinfrance]

to make amends, you ask jon to make a list? he can't so you compile a list yourself. is THIS list supposed to make amends? have you been hanging out with bill o'reilly? guy, you make me sad and you make me laugh.

[Edwin Khodabakchian]

Rule Number X of The Art of The Start: don't hesitate to polarize your audience!

[Dan Koifman]

France is a country based on blood and soil, while America is an idea, founded on a shared belief in ordered liberty.- Rod D Martin

[Randango]

Can't wait until you do one about blacks, or how about Jews. If you are really desperate I'm sure you can find a number of joke books about the Polish that you can draw inspiration from.

[Guy Kawasaki]

Now this is a good comment. I do not speak French, so I stuck it in http://babelfish.altavista.com/tr and got the text below. The translation is obviously crude, but you'll get the gist.

The original is here:

http://jbp.typepad.com/jb/2006/10/aux_armes.html

You which read me sometimes, you know that I make sometimes refer to Guy Kawasaki consulting, VC, contractor... I even bought his book because I find that it has a concrete and pragmatic approach. But there, by reading this "synthetic" note on France and the French my blood made only one turn. It smoked the fitted carpet Guy to draw up such a poor Signal Ten concerning us, with quotations drawn from intellectuals as famous as Ozzy Osbourne... Then what, Vinvin finally didn't succeed in raising the intellectual level of our American "friends" with his show Hello America? Such an amount of worse Guy, you will have sought it. Me also, I can establish a "Signal Ten: the United States, Americans ". #1 - violence is one of the American large-scale industries. Alain Bosquet #2 - As it is difficult for the Americans, even the Americans of goodwill, not to regard itself as the center of the universe! Simone de Beauvoir #3 - the Americans are childish and they are caught very with the serious one. Robert Altman #4 - the machines are the only women whom the Americans can make happy. Paul Morand #5 - the American ones hope to discover in their husbands of the perfections that the English ones await only their Masters of hotel. Somerset Maugham #6 - the American who, the first, discovered Colomb made annoying discovered. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg #7 - the Americans want to invade because they do not have history. Jean-Luc Godard #8 - A each generation, American must define what wants to say "to be American". Bill Clinton #9 - It is said that the Americans eat all the day. They is false. But what they eat is so bad that they must there be begun again at several times. Jean Rigaux #10 - the French is lazy who works much. The English lazy who does not do anything. The German a worker who gives himself evil. The American, a worker who can arrange himself not to make large thing. Auguste Detoeuf Good, it is calmed Guy with that, or I give a ladle from there?

[John C. Randolph]

There are many, many fine Frenchmen.  They're the ones who emigrate.

-jcr

[Jay Yoo]

Oh yeah. This reminds of a great "Gomer Pile" (yah know - you are embarrassed because someone is embarrassing themselves) episode of a rather large American with a gigantic fanny pack wearing stone washed blue jeans and a Simpsons t-shirt at Eibisu station waiting for the Yamanote for Shibuya (Tokyo) during evening rush hour.

Above all the noise I hear "WHY CAN'T ANYONE SPEAK English!!!!!!!!!!!!" as a this person prances around, itimidating everyone (including me) and demands they tell her wear she is. LOL!!

Oh my Goddess, I see where people get their opinions of us. LOL...

If anything, thanks (I guess) for the funny memory.

[Morgan Ramsay]

The comments regarding this post being placed in an inappropriate forum are completely off-base. This is Guy Kawasaki's blog. He can post whatever he damn well pleases.

Thanks for the laughs, Guy! I like your style.

************

Morgan,

Thanks. I appreciate the support.

My favorite comments are the ones where people say they aren't going to read this blog anymore. Let me get this straight: This is a blog containing information about how to be a successful entrepreneur (among other things!).

So they are going to punish me by not reading ways to be successful. And thereby perhaps being less successful--or successful slower. That's interesting logic. I know what Dirty Harry would say.

Guy

[Mike]

While I don't like the French, your blog has lost its appeal. Bye bye Guy.

[Chrystian Guy]

The complete URL is...
http://www.pronetadvertising.com/articles/
5-more-ways-to-make-the-digg-front-page.html

[Chrystian Guy]

We might have a clue of why Guy decided to post that. In this article:
http://www.pronetadvertising.com/articles/5-more-ways-to-make-the-digg-front-page.html

We can read the following:

Yesterday SEO Black Hat wrote 10 Steps to Guarantee You Make the Digg Front Page, which discusses 10 tips to help you get on the digg front page. Here are the tips he recommended.

1. Make a list or tutorial headline.
2. Write about digg.
3. Appeal to the Apple fanboys.
4. Doom and Gloom about how Global Warming will destroy us all.
5. Write about how great Firefox is.
6. Remember: Walmart, George Bush, and Fox News have NEVER done ANYTHING right.
7. Repeat after me: "Microsoft sucks, Microsoft Sucks, Microsoft Sucks."
8. Make up outrageous statistics that you have not researched.
9. Insult as many groups as you can.
10. Include the world's slowest loading plugin.

No 9 seems to be the target here.
:-)

[Jay Yoo]

I too am put off by this. It feels way out of place. Being Korean-American, and having studied and lived in Japan (no I don't speak Korean), I can certainly understand how people's views (biases and prejudices) of others evolve. They are based on history, right and wrong, intolerance and superiority complexities (the normal human stuff) - not the future.

When on a trip to Norway, my wife and I had the option of spending a weekend in Sweden (she is Swedish by ethnicity) or Paris. Conditioned by this type of bull shittake, I did not want anything to do with going to France. My wife insisted, so we went. I must admit it was by far one of the most interesting, pleasing and adventurous trips I have had. The people were fantastic, the food was incredible, the way of life was relaxed and it was great not to be overwhelmed with billboards and bix box stuff. We had a blast!

Jay

PS - I hope Guy is just trying to get someone/somecompany in France to have him come speak (he might be pulling for a gig). If so, send him his own book and be a Mesnch by reminding him of "making (positive) meaning," and the Karma thing :-) Oh, let's not leave out out when smart people do dumb things!

[Christopher Mahan]

I am French, and let me tell you:

When people say I am rude and arrogant, I reply that I must honor my ancestral traditions.

So, really no offense. Besides, the French have so many American jokes that are, hum, either off-color or downright offensive to people of English-like sensitivities that we feel it's completely okay for Americans to have a little fun too.

As other posters have mentioned, I do question the appropriateness of the forum.

[Coujou]

I am french and I cannot let you say these stupid things. Dogs don't smoke in France.

Appart from that, i don't feel offended as we too have lame jokes about nearly every single country in the world.

[A Dane]

You forgot one that my brother (who is almost fluent in French, and lived there a number of years) uses as a truism:

"France is the only country in the world who would pick as its national bird [Rooster] an animal that would stand knee-deep in s**t and crow about its glorious surroundings."

Give credit to Todd Christiansen.

[Dave Starr]

I loved it. About all I can say is that most of the jokes are too easy on the Frenchman's manners. Unlike many Americans I've lived outside the US more than 14 years and I never was in a country where people treated me with the rudeness and disdain of the French. The most ideal country I know to be a remote, isolated island.

Vive la humor

[Andy]

I don't get it Guy - what does this have to do with business? This is beneath you. I'm all for a good joke, but this doesn't fit with the spirit of this blog. Over time it seems like it's become Noise Without Signal.

Good luck with your Technocrati A-list quest [*removes from feed*].

[Fred Destin]

Signal without noise huh ? Publishers have long since capitalised on quote books: they're cheap to do, they sell well. Of course they also get read on the toilet. I will have to remember to take my laptop along next time I go. Looking forward to the next installment...

Oh, before you ask, I'm from Belgium. My favourite bar in the world is the Hemingway Bar. It has a British bar tender, is inspired by an American writer, and is in Paris. My idea of the world as it should be.

[Daniel]

I should add that I'm not French - I'm Danish.

[Daniel]

And I used to respect you, Guy... but this is just ridiculous. Would someone please explain to me, what the deal is with Americans disliking og mocking the French? Seriously, I don't get it.
What I find interesting, is that France has a well-defined national identity and culture. The US of course has culture and identity, but a lot of it is tied up in branding of private enterprise: Think America, think McDonald's, Marlboro men, MTV and Coca-Cola. Thinking of France doesn't really conjure up images of French companies quite that readily.
Of course, that lack of branding might make Guy angry, I suppose.

But again, would someone American please explain what it is about the French, that annoys you so much?

[Marechal Olivier (aka om@)]

As a french I have a bad feeling with most of the quotes listed by Guy on French country.
What do you think of quotes below ?

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language (Mark Twain)

The French complain of everything, and always (Bonaparte)

What's the quickest way to make a profit? Buy a Frenchman for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. (joke ...)

When good Americans die, they go to Paris (Oscar Wilde)

And to close, the anti-french quote of the year ! "You know the trouble with the French, they don't even have a word for "entrepreneur“ (G.W.Bush)

http://beariscool.blogspot.com/

[not_again]

For sale: French Army Rifle. Never fired. Only dropped once.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly." --- Jay Leno

"The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies." -- unattributed

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.

Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried

Q : How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.

During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought (and the French usually lost), the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not be afraid." The French general said, "That is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."

[JC Latournerie]

Quand êtes-vous venu en France pour la dernière fois ? When did you come to France for the last time ?

I'd be so pleased to welcome you here !