Guy's Index of Absurdity: The Top Ten Ways to Tell If Things Are Really Bad

The experts are promulgating many esoteric ways to determine the financial condition of the economy. It's irrational to base one's mood on the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA). After all, (a) what does that have to do with the real world? And (b) it reflects the buying (and selling) decisions of the same investment bankers who got us into this mess.

Instead, here are my ten+ ways--GIA (Guy's Index of Absurdity)--to tell if the economy is really bad:

1. Venture capitalists attend board meetings via WebEx rather than Gulfstream.

2. Twitter charges for its service.

3. Jones Soda switches to text-only labels.

4. Steve Jobs switches from New Balance to Crocs.

5. The toilet seats at Google are no longer heated.

6. Reservations are no longer necessary for the Apple Genius Bar.

7. Buck's of Woodside changes its name to Quarter's.

8. Mahalo changes its name to Aloha Oe.

9. Pierre Omidyar starts selling stuff on eBay.

10. Larry Ellison flys on Southwest Airlines before 11:00 pm.

11. Men can speak at Blogher as long as they pay for the time slot.

When you see these things happening, it's time to panic. Until then, don't sweat the DJIA--just keep on making, selling, and supporting good stuff.

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Addendumbs (sic)

Richard Branson starts flying on United. (@americanheretic)